Spitzer: Dems Can Blow This Thing

National Democrats, clearly despondent over their seeming inability to lose the 2008 presidential campaign, rejoiced this weekend over the three powerful blows they landed on themselves during the last week.

First, New York Governor Elliot Spitzer, clearly distraught over the Republican Party’s lengthy unbroken streak of respected politicians being exposed as pompous moralizing hypocritical gasbags, made the difficult decision to publicly expose himself on March 10^th.. As a pompous, moralizing hypocritical gasbag, that is. Spitzer is just the latest sanctimonious politician to be brought down by his Little Spritzer, leading Ken Starr to comment, “Why couldn’t he have been satisfied with investigating someone else’s sex life?”

Two days after Spitzer splattered the headlines (and several hookers) Geraldine Ferraro stole the spotlight by claiming that Barack Obama was the Affirmative Action candidate, and anyone who didn’t agree with her was guilty of anti-white bias against her.

And finally, Obama’s pastor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, made Ferraro look as harmless as Elliot’s Little Spitter when Wright was outed as having made the most astonishingly offensive public statements since the last time George Bush spoke on any topic whatsoever.

All in all, a great week for Democrats desperately seeking inventive new ways to lose in 2008 after pissing away seemingly insurmountable leads in 2000 and 2004.

Governor Spitzer was clearly determined not to be outdone by Senator Larry Craig, who brilliantly managed to make being gay sound like a job at Disneyland (I am not a Mouseketeer. I never have been a Mouseketeer.) In his public remarks Spitzer refused to address the widely circulating claim that if he simply had admitted to having ED, the entire story would have gone away with a Little Sputter.

Spitzer’s trifecta of a non-admission, a non-apology, and a resignation for a non-stated reason was a big win for self-righteous holier-than-thou frauds across the country. It continuing the trail blazed by Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker, Ted Haggard, Senator David Vetter, and of course, Strom Thurmond, who, while running on a racist platform, had a 23-year old black daughter.

Rev. Wright could not be reached for comment on the Spitzer Spatter, as apparently his head exploded while delivering a recent sermon. The mishap occurred several days before the Obama campaign exploded.

The nation has had no such luck with Ferraro, who steadfastly refuses to explode, implode, or consider any other way to shut up. It also has had no luck with Florida, which apparently needs another hurricane to keep itself too busy to worry about voting.

Coming next week: The Emperor Club exposes Janet Reno as Client #10.

*Ed. note: Sen. David Vetter does not need a faux link to a whorehouse. He is from Louisiana, where whoring is a team sport.

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